Tuesday, March 09, 2004

If getting spam in my e-mail isn't bad enough, now they're spamming me via text messages. Personally, I don't think I need to lose 30 pounds by April.

It's been a weird time for me lately. Only a few months ago, everything seemed to be working correctly. I had a job and a future, my business and personal life was on the upswing. I guess for every upswing, there's a downswing and in the sine wave of life, I'm in the valley (you know it's really bad when I make math related comments). I decided to leave my position and search for something else. However, that "something else" has been a lot more elusive than I would've liked. Especially when you are qualified for nothing.

I've done a lot of soul searching lately and I'm somewhat afraid of what I've found. I look back on my life, and I've never really completed anything I started. This is just the latest in a string of failures in my life and that really frightens me. It's kind of hard to hope for the future when you see your past in this light. I just feel kind of directionless right now, still trying to find a way in this maze.

On top of that, I've had this really big queasiness in my gut for the past couple of weeks. I'm not really sure what the cause is, but it's bringing back things that I had long since put to rest (or at least I thought I did). Maybe I'm just too stagnate right now and it's allowing me to overthink myself into a corner.

Hopelessness may be the worst feeling ever.

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