For reasons not totally known to me, I find myself in Australia. An experiment is to be conducted, measuring the perception of the US by Australians. A group of models and actors are gathered together to play high level US politicians, including the president. The plan is to go to the Australian Parliament and ask for a loan. The conductors of the experiment want to gauge how recognizable US world leaders are.
Now, these aren't just any models or actors, these are the types of models you would see in an Abercrombie or Express advertisement. The best way to describe this group of men would be "pretty." On top of gauging how recognizable US world leaders are, they want to see if attractiveness will play a part in parliament's decision.
Moments before the great experiment was to begin, they discover that the actor/model that was going to play the president is nowhere to be found. I am approached to fill in and play the president.
"I don't know if you've noticed," I say, "but I do not look like the rest of these guys."
I'm convinced that I'll be fine, and I am dressed in a nice slim fitting suit, like the other models. We are announced to the parliament and we enter in a single file. Once in the main hall, we turn so that we are all standing shoulder to shoulder facing the members. The members surround us on 3 sides, sitting in risers above us.
As the president, I am expected to speak first, but I realize that I have no idea what I am supposed to say. I lean over to the Tyson Beckford-like model next to me and ask him what the game plan is. He just gives me a blank stare and shakes his head. I take a deep breath and step forward...
"As you all know, Australia and the US have had a long and rich history working with each other. We are here to continue that tradition and ensure that it continues to be fostered in the future."
I need to think of something that both of our countries can work together on.
"That is why we are proposing a bridge that will unite our two countries."
I cringe as I say this. Will they buy it? I look up to read their faces.
They are actually buying it. I get a little bolder and describe a bridge from San Francisco to the Eastern shore of Australia, with a possible stop in Hawaii.
Unfortunately, this is where this story ends...
US/Australia Bridge of Unity