Wednesday, August 11, 2010

Intercepted Epiphanies

Today I was chatting with a good friend, who also happens to be my ex-girlfriend, when she mentioned that she had a "strange and bittersweet epiphany" about me. She went on to say that it had nothing to with our relationship or my relationship with anyone else, it was something about me. It was "like a wake up call for you, except I was on the receiving end of your epiphany."

Upon my mention that this made me really nervous, she made no attempt to calm my fears. Instead she only said that it was something that should be discussed in person. I have no idea what she's talking about and from the way she it was brought up, it may not be a pleasant thing. Even still, it's impossible for me to not respect her judgment.

We first met when she transferred to my Barnes & Noble and due to our awkwardness, we never really talked at first. My first attempted conversation was when I noticed her Jeff Buckley jacket, so I tried to start a conversation based on his music. I asked if she was a fan and she just shyly turned and quickly walked away from me. Eventually, we got over our awkwardness became close friends and I realized that she had an uncanny ability to read me like no one else could. She once asked me if I was sad about my past. When I asked how she knew, she simply said she could read it in my eyes.

Over time we grew closer, enjoying each other's company and being a shoulder during failed relationships. During this time, she continually made observations and truths about me that I wasn't even aware of. Eventually, we found ourselves in each other's arms, talking about a future together. It seemed perfect, best friends turned lovers. However, as we progressed, we discovered that what seemed to work in theory may not work practically. She constantly told me that I wasn't in love with her. She believed that I wanted to be in love with her or wished I was. I refuted these claims, but to no avail. She eventually called it off and after all the tears had dried, I looked back and realized that she was right. I will always give her credit for having the sense and judgment to end the relationship. That call probably saved the friendship.

So here we are, the one person who can truly read me better than I sometimes read myself telling me that she's had a "strange and bittersweet" epiphany. How can I not be nervous?

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